I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
