shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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