oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
