Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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