U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
