Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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