you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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