bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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