Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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