Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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