I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
