In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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