Will you blow on my dice?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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