After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
