I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
