Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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