I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
