Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
