I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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