3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
