i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
