Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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