she woke up with a sticky ear
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
