i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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