I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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