I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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