Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
