just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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