I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
