she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
