just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
