he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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