Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
