He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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