OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
