drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
