talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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