I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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