Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
