let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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