He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
