Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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