I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
