Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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