Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
