I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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