He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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