were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
