Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
