Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
