So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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