I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
