U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
