I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
