No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
