i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
