never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Randomize
