I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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