I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
