update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
