Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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