Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
