Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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