I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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