ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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