Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
