Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
