smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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