someone get that fucking seahorse.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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