FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
