omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
