I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
