I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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