My nipple is on Facebook.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
