I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
