We're facebook friends in real life
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
