I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
