ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
