just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
