Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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